Who am I?

A weird and morbid question that has popped into my mind at a few points in life (and likely everyones at some point) is, "if I was to die today who would come to my funeral and what would be said for my life?"

When my time on earth comes to an end, I want to be remembered as a woman who lived, loved and was loved. In the end no one will say, "Wow she was really rich! Do you know how much money she had?!" I hope instead they will say, "Wow she was really rich! Do you know how much she loved and was loved?"

Assuming my life is long and healthy I hope to be a wonderful wife, a great mother, grandmother and maybe great-grandmother (should we dare say great-great??). I hope I have been and will be a great daughter and an awesome sister.

I hope to make a difference in the lives of those I meet. I may never know this and that is ok. But I hope that I have been able to faithfully use my talents and gifts from God to help others to know and love Him, and to learn more about themselves.

Above all, I hope that who I am is a happy woman with a great husband, an amazing family and great friends! For now I am a happy woman, with a great fiancé, an amazing family and great friends. Only 290 days till mission complete!

Inspiration Needed

Wanted: Inspiration! Inspiration is needed to help one to either a) realize her dream of being a writer or b) realize that her dream is not what is meant to be.

Thank you

Happiness

So lately I've been thinking a lot about happiness. What makes one happy? Is it possible to be happy with every aspect of life? Lately, I feel like I often have happiness in some areas of my life but never ALL at once! Why not? It makes me feel like maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe I have the blinders on to what I am supposed to being doing in life. The song, the summons, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8lOfMjtxdE, has really be haunting me in someways lately. I keep questioning a decision I made lately that may have changed my life. It's not getting married to Tom because that is one decision that I know 100% without a doubt is what I am meant to do. It was another decision. I stood at an intersection where I could take a slight turn and I chose to stay on the road I was on. This decision made the most sense based on where life is headed and what Tom and I see for our future together. But part of me wonders, what if? What if this opportunity came up earlier? What if I took the turn! But then I remember why things are the way they are, I take a deep breath and know that in time things will work out. In time I will be 100% happy. It will come. In these times when I question, I am growing. When I struggle, I am growing. So that is good.

T-303 days!!

YEAH!! We are getting closer everyday! So exciting!!!! Lots to do and I always feel behind but I know I'm not. Its just my personality to check and recheck everything. I will make lists and re-write lists and check things off lists until the second I walk down the aisle! But all will fade away the second the doors are opened and I see Tom. Then it won't matter. Nothing will! Except for us and what we are about to do! amazing!!!

One a week!

So just to keep things flowing I have been trying to keep up on here at least once a week. It's worked for the most part. But as I went to prepare to write this and looked back at older posts, I noticed that 4 weeks have past since I had my big eleven month post! That means we are almost at 10 months!!! Crazy! Honestly some days I feel like I have nothing to worry about with so much already preplanned and worked out that I could just take off the next 6 months and jump right back in. Other days I freak out and think, "In two months there is one wedding and then 4 months after that is another one and then 4 months after that is us.' And somehow thinking about it like that generally stresses me out....right now not so much...at least when I wrote it out.

Publish Post

This week Tom is working at a leadership camp so I have been driving 40 minutes to see him each night. It is so true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. True I have been seeing Tom every day but its not the same!! For the 2 or so hours I see him, he is surrounded by 50 teens, running around doing what he loves while I'm thinking in my head, "can't we just be friends for like 5 minutes!!??" True he always walks me to my car and we have time alone then but it literally is only 5 minutes and then he has to run. I think it sucks especially cause I leave for a conference out of town this weekend on Friday when he gets back so we won't be able to see each other Friday and Saturday! Man this makes me want to vomit how mushy this all sounds! But I can't help it! I just love him ok?!?! Makes me so grateful that we really only ever did long distance 8 months! Man!!!! That sucked!!

So that is my post for this week because I will be leaving for the weekend and busy tomorrow at Tom's one year check-up (I get to spend the afternoon with him!)

But next week - 10 months>!>! oh dear!

I love crafts!!!

It's true!! I think that this may be a problem come next May 22nd when I have no more crafts to do!! TEAR!

But seriously I am addicted. And Michaels makes it so easy with their 40-50% off coupons to want to buy so much more!!! Each week I go at least once! Sometimes twice....or three times....often dragging Diana whether she likes it or not.....when she comes I get to buy more stuff! Right now the focus is on candles and getting them so that we will have enough for centerpieces and memorial candles. It's been a blasty blast! I also today bought stamps that I hope to use on invites and other things! I saw someone use them online and wanted it...so I bought it!!!! What fun!

Home is where the heart is!

This past week, Tom and I went to my hometown to visit with my family. I had some time owed to me at work and Tom has some time off so we loaded up his car and took off Tuesday-Saturday (today). It was amazing! My sister, niece and nephew were down for the week as well and my brother-in-law joined us on Thursday! The only thing missing was my baby sister! But we will see her soon when Tom, my mom and I go visit her!!! VACAY!!!!!!

I realized this week how I sometimes take my family for granted. This isn't something that happens on purpose but more because of location. I live 3.5 hours away from my hometown where one sister and my parents still live. 2 sisters (one married with kids) lives another 3.5 hours away from there and my baby sister lives a good 20+ hours away on the east coast.

So being so far away, its hard to always stay in contact with one another. We all get busy in our daily lives with school, work, and living, that it can be hard to stay in contact and to know what is going on in each others lives. Spending so much time with my family reminded me of how much fun my sisters and I had growing up. We were very blessed with a great childhood. Our parents love us and would always do anything for us. They demonstrated to me the type of parents I hope that Tom and I can be one day. I want to always be willing to put the needs and wants of my children over my own. Something that I am sure after living alone for a LONG time will be a change even in marrying Tom and moving in together. But something I am certain I will do.

My sisters and I are also blessed to be more than just sisters, we truly are all friends. Whenever I talk to people about having 4 sisters they are always surprised to hear that we are all best friends and that we are so close. So many people do not have the same relationship with their siblings as we do and for that I am grateful. True at times we still do get on each others nerves - we know what buttons to push to set each other off - that comes from growing up together! But in the end I know that each and everyone of us would drive, fly, swim, run, walk, sky dive (even you Krista), if any of us needed them to.

As much as this week has made me miss being able to spend time with my family more often than once every month or two, it has also helped in continuing another realization.

My family does not live near me - this is a fact. But I am very blessed to have family where I live. To start off with, I have Tom's family who has been nothing but amazing and welcoming to me since Tom and I began dating and then when I moved here. I am a shy person so I know it has been hard for more than just me. But in the past months as I have been planning our wedding and realizing I would like my family to be closer, I have come to recognize that Tom's family is my family and that I need to 'accept' that (for lack of words right now in explaining what I mean - accept is not at all the word I am looking for but a good stand in). I need to, I guess in some ways, let them be my family.

I am also blessed with great friends here. Friends who are willing to get together for no reason, to hang out, who leave work when I need them and drive me half way home after the death of my grandfather. Friends who have made adjusting to life in London so much easier. Friends who, when I thought about applying for the job closer to home, I couldn't imagine leaving.

All in all this weekend has made me realize how blessed I am!